(Source: cyni-c, via mrbubbles182)

So the picture i reblogged before this got me thinking. Like maybe all time does to help you is just forget? Like i dont remember so many things in my life and maybe thats really all healing is?! Forgetting. In a sense i think i might be real down with that. Just forget everything. Now. Save me some time and pain. Just forget it all. Force myself to forget everything and in that i wont care cause i dont remember. I think it makes alot of sense to be honest. You forget why it hurt, how you felt, why you even cared. That might just happen cause your brain just blurs it out. Yeah replacing them is also good but that actually does take a long time time to gain such great memories that they surpass other great/horrible memories. Id rather just blank them all out. Like it didnt happen. Life would be so much easier if i could erase things in my brain like im mutha F’in Sherlock! “Dude? Just forget it”. Thats the motto n***a DJFI. Im too impatient and this needs to end already cause this sucks and my body is failing…

Starting some real bad habits. Idk how to feel bout it? Should i feel good that it drowns everything out, or concerned that its not good for me? Hate it and love it. Although its temporary, i can see that im stoked on life for a moment. It feels good to forget and not care. But its a tru slippery slope to another deeper valley to get into. Idk. We’ll see what happens. Escaping reality for a while every night is gona kill me but at least i dont feel anything for a while…

derrickdionson:

BUT HOW LONG DO I WAIT BREH?
HOW BITCH HOW?
YOU AINT GOT THE ANSWERS

derrickdionson:

BUT HOW LONG DO I WAIT BREH?

HOW BITCH HOW?

YOU AINT GOT THE ANSWERS

(Source: airows)

I wonder who even reads these…

Ive had to fight to feel good for far too long. Its been years now of just fighting to stay positive about life and “look at the bright side” of things and im getting really tired. I think its finally taking its toll on me mentally and physically. Its just been the worst couple of years of my life. I know i young and whatever but its been going on for a really long time now. Years have gone by and i just realize how long ive been putting up with all this crap. Family issues, relational issues, personal issues, religious issues. Over and over and over and over and over. Forcing myself to try and put my mind ina better place so i dont think about the hell im in. I know what a Christian would say to me if i explained this situation and honestly ive heard the same answer too many times. Faith is running really low and close to empty at this point. So dont tell me what you think i should do cause i dont think you REALLY know what my life is like. Dont try and give a answer to a problem when you have never even gone through half the things ive gone through! Im tired. Mentally. And Twenty One Pilots isnt lying when they say “sometimes quite is violent”. Cause ive tried alone time and its always seem to end up worse. Maybe i need a doctor at this point. Idk if that would help. People are so oblivious to my life and i dont think they really care to make it important to them. Which is cool. I get that. I honestly have a very few people that i really care about in my life so i got you. Messed up, but i mean thats how it goes right? You got your blood family, your “family” and then just friends. So if your my family please dont freak out. I dont think its really worth your time too freak out. Itll only blow things out of proportion. I dont need that. What do i need? I dont even know myself. Ive been trying alot of things and it all ends up temporary. Christians, dont give your very cliche answer cause ive been getting that same answer for bout a decade now. Whats next? Is something gona push me off the edge? What could it be? TBH i dont think i wanna know. Too much has already happened in my life and if its crazier than this than it cant be good. And thats really scary.